Owner #4
- BuddysDream
- Apr 6
- 9 min read
Part 6 - Buddy's Brief time with Owner #4
After spending 3½ months at the orphanage, Buddy was adopted by Owner #4. I was told by the orphanage (and later confirmed) that Owner #4 was a single parent and their college aged child. Buddy was only with Owner #4 for approximately 5 days but was then returned due to aggressive behavior toward the college aged child.
I have spoken to every one of Buddy's previous owners with the exception of Owner #4. While I have made multiple attempts to make contact with Owner #4, they have never responded to me. All other owners took the time to provide me with helpful information about Buddy's time with them.
All I can share with you about Buddy's time with Owner #4 is what they published publicly on their facebook page. This post was written by the college aged child after Buddy was returned to the orphanage and the parent publicly published it on their facebook page (words in brackets have been replaced to protect the identity of all involved):
"It absolutely breaks my heart, but after a very difficult, tearful conversation with my [parent], we decided it would be better for both [Buddy] and us for him to be adopted by another family. When we first came to meet him, we told the people at the [orphanage] that I would not be able to be home all the time because of school and that we planned for him to stay at my grandparents house during vacations. They told us he would do fine with this, but that he has some problems with toy guarding so we have to set boundaries around the house. We were more than willing to spend the extra time on this training him. However, we were not prepared for [Buddy] to become extremely territorial over [Parent] during the three days between [parent] bringing him home and me coming to see him. He became aggressive with me and would only back off when my [parent] told him to. It escalated to the point where we didn't feel it was safe for me to be alone with him in the house while [parent] went to work. Dogs can behave very differently in new environments, so the [orphanage] had not realized the extent of [Buddy's] resource guarding or that it would become so extreme. We know now that he needs to be in a one person household. We have already paid for his adoption for the next person who falls in love with him just as much as we did. I know you'll find your forever home soon, [Buddy]. I'm sorry it couldn't be with us."
Clearly Owner #4 meant well. Clearly they wanted to keep and love Buddy forever, but simply felt overwhelmed by his behavior and didn't know how to deal with it and keep everyone safe. This is completely understandable. This is exactly why I created Buddy's Dream. To help people know what to do, AND what NOT to do. There are many misconceptions at play here and this is at no fault of Owner #4, but these are misconceptions MANY people have and the reason so many dogs like Buddy end up back at the shelter. Let's break it down:
If you read the previous posts involving Owner #2 , you will see several similarities. Owner #2 experienced Buddy's aggressive behavior, as well as many of the issues mentioned by Owner #4, and talked about that being the reason for relinquishing him. Whether or not Owner #4 was informed of these issues by the orphanage prior to them adopting Buddy I do not know.
Owner #4 states:
"However, we were not prepared for [Buddy] to become extremely territorial over [Parent]..."
Owner #2 also stated they felt Buddy was guarding (aka being territorial of) one of the family members. Based on my experience with Buddy, I can understand why both Owners #2 and #4 may have thought Buddy was guarding them, but I have never seen Buddy actually guard people. In fact, this notion of "people guarding" is often a misconception. While Buddy does react when I am with him and someone he does not know or is not familiar or comfortable with enters, Buddy is NOT guarding me. Buddy is reacting because he is terrified of the other person entering and his reaction to them is not to guard me, but instead to protect himself! Often times when someone thinks their dog is guarding them the dog is really simply saying they are afraid and they are trying to protect themself.
Getting used to multiple family members takes time. Of course Buddy would be comfortable with the parent first since it was only the parent who was home with Buddy initially. However, and I have seen this with other families I have helped, it just takes time and lots and lots of patience working very gradually at the dogs pace (while utilizing safety measures and techniques such as the use of barriers, etc. to ensure nobody gets hurt) for the second family member to gain the dogs trust. This can be frustrating for the second person because all they want is to love and cuddle the dog, but this is when we need to make it "all about the dog" and what the dog needs instead of what we want from the dog. Getting the dog comfortable with the second person can be done, but it takes time and patience. If you don't know how to proceed, you may need to consult with someone experienced with and properly qualified in behavior modification for help.
Owner # 4 states:
"we decided it would be better for both [Buddy] and us for him to be adopted by another family"
and later in the quote they state:
"We know now that he needs to be in a one person household"
These are conflicting statements, another family and a one person household are two different things. Lets talk about "another family" first.
I have heard others say this when relinquishing a dog. There is this idea that another family would be a better fit for the dog. However, especially when talking about a dog displaying aggressive behavior, what other family would you wish this on? What other family do you think deserves to be attacked and bitten by this dog? I don't think Owner #4 was actually wishing anyone else harm, but the youngest member of Owner #4's family is college aged, that would be a much better choice than a family with younger children. So I wonder which type of family Owner #4 was thinking would be a better choice? Everyone is capable of learning to train and/or rehabilitate a dog, so if you think "another family" can do it, why wouldn't you think you can do it?
I clearly understand that Owner #4 was not prepared for this and just didn't know what else to do, but that would apply to 99.9% of the people who would end up adopting Buddy next. So I hope people can understand that when you relinquish a dog with "behavior issues" because you think someone else would be a better fit, what you are really doing is simply pushing the problem off onto someone else, or sentencing the dog to a very long and difficult stay in what is normally a chaotic orphanage environment. Nothing is solved by doing this, in fact, it only makes things worse.
So now lets talk about the statement that Buddy should be in a one person household. I am going to say this very loudly and very clearly so listen up!:
Saying the dog should be in a one person household is NOT the answer.
The answer is to work with the dog so that the dog learns to be comfortable with more than one person. In fact, if the dog ends up in a one person household, it becomes extremely difficult, and ends up taking a great deal more time, to get the dog comfortable with multiple people since multiple people simply are not readily available to do the exercises needed.
Ask me how I know this!
As a result of my home being a one person household, I find it very difficult to find people who are willing to take the time to help with this exercise. Before taking Buddy into my home, several of his past owners promised to participate in the rehab exercises, but NONE of them followed through. Not one! After over 4 years of working with Buddy on my own with a couple of rare occasional volunteers (thank heavens for them!), we are just now starting to be able to have other people enter my house without Buddy going ballistic! This has been a very difficult 4 years for me as a result! If there was another person living in my household this could have been accomplished so much faster! So please stop believing the myth that a one person household is the answer.
A calm household - Yes, but Not a one person household
and that's for more reasons than just the rehab. Think about it, because Buddy is only exposed to me on a daily basis and therefore is only comfortable with me, I can never have a break or go out of town of I need to (I have had to miss important events that were out of town). I have to limit the time I am away from home to how long he can go without a potty break because nobody can come into the house to let him out - it simply would not be safe for them. And what if I became ill and needed to be hospitalized, or needed to have a medical procedure that required me to be away from home overnight - who would be able to care for Buddy? At this point there is nobody so the only solution in this scenario is I either put my needs on hold indefinitely or Buddy would have to be euthanized in order for me to be away because NOBODY else can handle him. While there are a few people from his past who he did become comfortable with and therefore could safely handle him, these people were not willing to continue their involvement after relinquishing him. For those of you thinking he could be boarded at a kennel, that would not work for two reasons; first, he is not comfortable with anybody else so nobody else could safely handle him, and second, the kennel environment is far too chaotic and would cause Buddy a major setback in his rehab progress that he may never be able to recover from.
None of this would be an issue if this was not a one person household. So putting a dog like Buddy in a one person household defeats the purpose of getting him comfortable with multiple people and makes the life of the person in the one person household very difficult.
Owner #4 states:
"They told us ... he has some problems with toy guarding so we have to set boundaries around the house"
Setting boundaries is NOT how you resolve toy guarding. I discuss what to do about toy guarding in detail in a previous blog post. You can read it here:
The last thing I want to talk about is this statement - Owner #4 states:
"We have already paid for his adoption for the next person who falls in love with him just as much as we did."
Thank you Owner #4 for doing this. This was very generous of Owner #4 and I appreciate what they were trying to do. However, unfortunately, the orphanage did not honor Owner #4's wishes where this is concerned because the orphanage required me to pay the full adoption fee in order for me to take ownership of Buddy. The orphanage, therefore, collected at least two full adoption fees for Buddy. So for those of you who want to be a good Samaritan and pre-pay a dogs adoption fee, be aware that the orphanage may not apply your money the way you have asked them to.
If you are interested in knowing the details of how and why I ended up having to take ownership of Buddy, you can read about it here:
In conclusion:
Just like all the previous owners, Owner #4 meant well, but simply didn't have the proper information on what to do to better understand Buddy and be able to help him, and they didn't know who to go to in order to get that help. I am hopeful that the information in these blog posts and the information in the Guidance section of this website will help guide people to the right information and methods. This is how we can prevent this epidemic of dogs being mishandled, which leads to behavior issues, which leads to so many dogs being relinquished to orphanages.
Please help spread the word!
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A Valuable Resource
If you are interested in learning more about dog behavior, here is an excellent book written by the American College of Veterinary Behaviorists. I highly recommend everyone who has a dog, or is thinking about getting a dog, read this book. You will be glad you did.
Note and disclaimer: All information in the blog posts on this site is my opinion based on my own experience rehabilitating an aggressive dog. I am not a professional behaviorist or otherwise involved in the Veterinary profession. If you are dealing with an aggressive dog, I recommend you seek the advice of a Board Certified Veterinary Behaviorist.
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